Ready to laugh until you’re benched? Dive into 74 hilarious football jokes guaranteed to score big laughs for any game day!
1Why did the football team go to the bank?
To get their quarterback.
2Why do football players make terrible comedians?
They always tackle the punchline.
3What’s the difference between a bad football player and a bad comedian?
One can’t catch a ball, the other can’t catch a laugh.
4Why don’t football players use calendars?
Because they keep getting tackled on the date.
5Why did the football team break up?
They couldn’t agree on a “touchdown.”
6Why is a football team like a band?
Because it’s all about the quarterback!
7What did the football coach say to the player who was always late?
“You’re benched.”
8Why did the football player bring string to the game?
To tie the score!
9How do football players stay in shape?
They keep running into problems.
10What’s the most common football injury?
A bruised ego.
11Why do football players make terrible friends?
Because they always get caught in the game.
12Why don’t football players ever use Twitter?
They don’t like to be intercepted.
13What’s a football player’s favorite type of math?
“Alge-bra.”
14What do you call a football player who always spends too much time on social media?
A “tweeter-back.”
15What do football players and math students have in common?
They both can’t avoid the “rough” problems.
16Why do football players love going to school?
Because they always make the grade.
17How does a football team stay cool during a hot game?
They sit in the “shade.”
18What’s a football player’s favorite type of music?
“Rock and roll.”
19Why did the football team bring a ladder to practice?
To reach new heights.
20Why do football players make terrible psychologists?
They keep “tackling” the issues.
21Why did the football player become a banker?
He was good at handling the “rush.”
22What’s the hardest thing about being a football player?
Having a “goal” and still missing the point.
23Why did the football team get a new coach?
They wanted someone with a “winning” attitude.
24Why did the football player go to jail?
He got caught “holding” someone back.
25Why do football players love their pets?
Because they always have a “touchdown.”
26Why don’t football players make good chefs?
They can’t stop “passing” the ingredients.
27What’s the best way to keep a football team happy?
Keep them on the “winning” streak.
28Why did the football player go to therapy?
He had too many “quarterback” issues.
29What do football players do after a game?
They “pass” out.
30Why do football players always get the last word in an argument?
Because they always “win” the debate.
31Why was the football team always the life of the party?
Because they knew how to “spike” the punch.
32What do football players call their friends?
“Team-mates.”
33Why don’t football players ever get lost?
Because they always know where the “goal” is.
34What did the football player say when asked if he wanted to be a doctor?
“I’m already good at ‘taking hits’.”
35Why was the football player bad at relationships?
He couldn’t stop “throwing” things away.
36Why don’t football players ever get scared?
They’re always ready to “tackle” their fears.
37What did the football player say when he found out he was benched?
“I’m taking this ‘sitting’ opportunity seriously.”
38Why did the football player bring a pencil to the game?
To draw a better play.
39What did the football coach do when his player forgot his helmet?
He told him to “head” home.
40Why are football players like cars?
Because they need a good “engine” to get things moving.
41Why are football players so good at bowling?
Because they know how to “strike” when necessary.
42Why did the football player refuse to play poker?
Because he couldn’t deal with the “bluff.”
43What did the football player say when asked if he could cook?
“I can ‘grill’ under pressure.”
44Why don’t football players wear watches?
Because they’re always “out of time.”
45What do football players eat for lunch?
A “quarterback” sandwich.
46Why did the football player sit in the front row?
He wanted to get the “best view” of the game.
47Why did the football team bring a vacuum to practice?
They needed to clean up their act.
48Why do football players love their jobs?
Because they’re always “playing” around.
49What did the football player do when he wanted to relax?
He took a “time-out.”
50What do football players and dogs have in common?
They both like a good “run” around the field.
51What’s a football player’s favorite workout?
Push-ups… because they’re always getting “pushed” to the limit.
52Why did the football team get a dog?
To help them with their “retrieving” skills.
53Why do football players make terrible secret agents?
They can’t stop “blowing the whistle.”
54Why did the football player go to the dentist?
He needed to fix his “grill.”
55Why don’t football players ever go to the beach?
Because they’re afraid of “getting tackled” in the sand.
56What’s a football player’s favorite type of food?
A “cheese” pass.
57Why do football players always get invited to the best parties?
Because they know how to “break the huddle.”
58What do football players do when they get a compliment?
They take a “bow.”
59Why did the football player get in trouble with the law?
He was caught “holding” a lot of things back.
60What did the football player do after making a mistake?
He took a “knee” and tried again.
61Why did the football player get a ticket?
He was “speeding” on the field.
62Why did the football team start wearing glasses?
They needed to improve their “vision.”
63Why did the football player sit down in the middle of the field?
Because he needed a “timeout.”
64Why was the football team always getting in trouble?
They couldn’t stop “running the wrong routes.”
65Why did the football player get kicked out of the game?
He was caught “holding” his ground.
66Why did the football player go broke?
He spent all his “cents” on a new helmet.
67Why do football players hate Mondays?
Because they always have to “tackle” the week ahead.
68Why did the football player get married?
He wanted to “score” big in life.
69What’s a football player’s favorite dessert?
A “touchdown” tart.
70Why do football players never get tired?
Because they’re always “pumped up.”
71Why was the football player great at math?
He could always count on his team to “back him up.”
72What did the football player say to the referee?
“Quit calling me out.”
73Why did the football player make a great rockstar?
He knew how to “jam.”
74What’s the difference between a football and a pillow?
You’re more likely to get hit by a football.
Conclusion: Whether you’re on the field or in the stands, these 74 football jokes will keep everyone entertained. Share them and keep the laughs rolling!
